I know this is very late, you’ve forgotten Yeh Jawaani Hai Deewani came out. You’re angry I’m reminding you of the movie. I’m sorry, I meant to write this earlier but there have been too many work related deadlines and Chopped episodes since then and I’ve had to watch them all after drinking too much tea. SO HERE WE ARE.
Ayan Mukherji was in deep thought about making another coming-of-age movie with Ranbir Kapoor. This was because he was unsure as to whether people would believe that Ranbir had in fact, not yet come of age. So he met up with Ranbir, Deepika, Kalki, Aditya Roy Kapoor, Vishal-Shekhar (those two don’t go anywhere without each other).
Ayan: Hello! So I was thinking, we make a movie about Ranbir you know, coming-of-age.
Ranbir: Oooh! We should call it “Damn it, Wake up Yaar Sid”
Ayan: Stop it Ranbir, take this seriously. This will be a story about how you are emotionally closed off but then rapidly open up one day. Very cool and youthful.
Vishal-Shekhar: Is this where we come in? We can make songs that sound loud and youthful. One can be like a mariachi band on steroids, one that’s like Punjabi but auto-tuned to keep it youthful, one sad song for when everybody wishes Ranbir would come-of-age already but he JUST WON’T?
Ayan: This is why I like having you guys on board. So proactive. Which brings me to Kalki.
Kalki: There’s my name. I haven’t been in a room where people haven’t talked about my talent in over five minutes. This is very pissing off because I am also just a pretty face, nobody seems to realize that. I want to do something that really brings my reputation down, you know– make me more relatable and accessible.
Deepika: I haven’t heard the name Deepika yet.
Ayan: Yes Deepika, I was thinking we use this movie to really remove you from your party girl image, you know. Less alcohol and promiscuity, more seriousness and padhaai.
Deepika: OMG I have the perfect look in mind. Also, I cannot stand Ranbir anymore so I refuse to have any chemistry with him.
Ayan: That’s the plan! We’re hoping you are never together in the movie and even if you are, you basically look as removed from being a couple as you can.
Ranbir: Sounds good to me. As long as you show me as a charming man who’s got lots of game?
Ayan: Definitely. And we will also have Aditya here to contrast your level of appeal and success.
Aditya: Yeah I am not sure how this Aashiqui-2 business will pan out, this movie seems like a good idea.
Deepika: Can we throw in a wedding so we can wear more fun outfits?
Kalki: That is important to me too.
Vishal-Shekhar: To us too.
Ayan: Of course. We only need to find someone to play Kalki’s clearly unattractive fiance and we have a movie going.
Aditya: Oh my brother Kunaal will think this is a cool way to be a part of the commercial film circuit. Let’s use him, he loves playing caricatures.
Ayan: So that’s settled, then. WE HAVE A MOVIE, GUYS!
Ranbir: There remains the matter of an item-song. Personally, I think we should use Carly Rae Jepson. We can call the song ‘Wake up, maybe?’
Ayan: Stop it! I will go to the sets of Jhalak Dhikhlaja and try to find Madhuri. Else, we can just remix an old song and have you dance on it with someone from So You Think You Can Dance.
Ranbir: K, sounds good. Great meeting guys!
Others murmur goodbye.
Deepika: Jerk. Wait until Kofee with Karan returns.
Update: Vishal-Shekhar dropped out of the project and were replaced by Pritam who went ahead and used their ideas anyway.