First things first, the title of this post is an homage to the Times of India, for supporting mediocrity with great consistency. But here’s what I originally wanted to call the post:

Things I learned from the internet:

Chetan Bhagat, please be better in every way,

or just stop sharing

Chetan Bhagat, known best for #ChetanBlocks and his books that are eventually made into movies, branched out into being an icon for the Indian youth at some point. I am unsure as to when this actually happened, I left India (and my youth) a few years ago. Anyway, this current iconic status has made sure that he shares his thoughts regularly with his adoring followers.

To truly catch up with CB, I did some research on the internet, and I report the following: Chetan Bhagat writes (what seems like) a predominantly observational column for the Times of India. Most of his articles seem weirdly elitist in a confusing, self referential manner, and are ignorable. But every now and then, the C-Bag (as he is fondly known on the internet) seems to remember to spew patronizing nonsense and then you cannot ignore him any more because you’re choking on the turdy gems that are his thoughts.

While the C-Bag offers several works that deserve much time and anger, this one has been doing the rounds on social media: His note to men, teaching them to ‘pick’ better wives.

As I continued my research, I came across several fantastic articles written by angry bloggers across the world. Organized retorts from housewives, open letters to the C-Bag, and articles that build legit cases to call him out on his ignorant rubbish are just a few.

Now I am not a wife, a housewife, a husband, a house husband, an Indian man, or an ‘ideal woman’. But I know someone who is a few of of these things, and she helped me compile a coherent response to Chetan Bhagat’s condescending nonsense.

In an exclusive conversation with BerryNice, Uma Kaushik responded to Chetan Bhagat’s toxic note:

Now that the God of 5 points & more has trashed all that I am, this is a letter of apology, to my daughter, husband, family AND of course, Mr. Bhagat.

• For not realizing that the choice between being a glitzy career woman and being a dull, depressing, ignorant housewife was a distinct black vs white.

• For falling head over heels in love with the fat squishy bundle in our arms & impulsively deciding that while we could afford it, one of us would stay at home, to be with the baby full-time – a decision we never regretted, until the Chetan Bhagat philosophy of life hit us.

• Sorry Chetan Bhai, my phulka making skills suck, so cooks & delivery services, zindabad! Nevertheless, food was cooked & delightful time was spent, where the ‘dull housewife’ read books with her daughter, supervised home-work, introduced her to the world of music, steadied her while she learned to skate, and among scores of other things, taught her to live a happy, fulfilling life.

• Maaf karo Chetan ji; but my simple, gharelu set up surrounded by other dull housewives taught me how to get along with people from diverse backgrounds — Enough for me to handle intelligent conversations about office politics with my foolish, stay-at-home-wife- choosing-husband. I hope I don’t cross the ‘Lakshman Rekha’ dividing ‘dreary housewife’ and ‘cool career woman’, when I offer solutions.

• My twenty year old daughter, who flew the nest comfortably to another continent, is enjoying the experience of making friends from all over the world, tries to be wise about money & is fiercely ambitious about a kick-ass career, earning the big bucks & (lend me your eyes & ears for this one, Mr. Bhagath) has calmly requested that when she has kids, we help bring up her kids just the way she was raised.

• I reserve my biggest apology for informing you this: Despite your championing the cause of women, the female characters in your books have always struck me as being a trifle silly, very manipulative, some disinterested in academics & to put it bluntly, they are always pretty accessories & never play strong, lead characters. I rest my case

Uma is a blogger, a writer, a mother and a housewife, and she has spoken.

I am a non-wife, non-phulka making girl with NO knowledge about mutual funds (except that they’re subject to market risk) C-Bag, here are my biggest questions to you:

-Why are you so intent on telling people that their wives should cook and clean and keep the house? I wonder what happens in families with 2 husbands or 2 wives.
-Is it hard to maintain such commitment to sexist propaganda even after being so severely educated?
-Is marriage actually talent acquisition? Is love just for people who don’t understand that, and misguidedly believe in equal partnerships?
-With the power to reach and relate to so many people, why did you choose to reinforce gender roles? Is this because of ignorance or are you purposefully lowering your standards to seem more appealing while just being a D-Bag? This confuses me, because even your progress seems so regressive and makes me want to smack myself in the face for moving backwards.

But seriously, though. What is this compulsive need to be a jerk? Look at your response to people telling you that you are terrible:

C-Bag Tweets

Did you really think you were writing about ‘men’s attitudes’ when you ended your article with “Please choose your partner carefully. Don’t just tolerate, but accept and even celebrate our successful women. They take our homes ahead and our country forward. We may have less hot phulkas, but we will have a better nation.” ?

And to you, kind reader, I say this: Please choose whom you follow carefully. Unlike marriage, which is based on love, you only need to read things that are actually useful to you. Don’t just tolerate, but accept and even celebrate women who think that C-Bag is a D-Bag. They take our homes ahead and our world forward. We may have less condescending nonsense, but we will have better browser histories.

Until next time, Keep singing.

*When she is not boosting my readership and blog-quality with guest posts/interviews about non-committal pseudo heroes, Uma Kaushik shares her hilarious news and views on her blog at http://lifenlaughs.blogspot.ae/. She also writes a tongue in cheek movie-review blog at http://moviesmagicmasala.blogspot.ae/ *