I figure I’d be one of those mothers who would use candy as bribe to control my child while we are flying in an airplane. I’d probably give them some Skittles to not talk about flying in the air, some Reese’s pieces to distract them from take-off related earache, split a Snickers bar with them when they complain about being hungry on the plane ride, and take a sleeping pill for when their sugar high kicks in.

I am also afraid that I’d be a parent who uses situations on the plane to guilt my child. ‘Why is this plane suddenly shaking, Ma?’ ‘I don’t know, sweetheart, but I think it is because you spilled your milk on Ma’s shoes this morning.’ “Look ma, there’s a snake on the wing of the plane, look it’s freezing out there!” “Oh no, the poor thing! Like Ma did when I was waiting for you to pee this morning in that gas station?”

While I occasionally think I’d be that Mom who will look at her child once and he/she will know it’s time to stop talking about this plane flying, I am almost entirely sure that I will be that mom who enjoys confusing her child just for cheap entertainment. ‘Are we on the ground? Look Ma, I think we’ve landed!’ ‘Are you sure? We ARE still inside the vehicle. Are you sure we’re not just getting gas? Do you have any money?’

Constantly trying to find things seems to be a major part of this parenting thing, I observe. ‘Where is your Binky? I don’t know, where did you throw it last? Have YOU seen my earphones? I wish I had charged my music player for longer. Yes, here is a granola bar. Shoot. Where did I put your granola bars? What! Why are you crying?’

But also inside my heart, I have a vision of myself very calm and serene, reading my book (it’s Agatha Christie’s Ordeal by Innocence, my child probably threw up on my copy of Oblivion, that I probably WANTED to read) while my child snores gently in his/her seat, cough syrup in juice box et al. Plane rides are stressful enough without children in them. Mildly drugging your child may not be the answer.  Oh here comes the stewardess now with pretzels. I will have some Diet Coke and ice please, thank you.

Until next time, keep singing.