I must simply get this out of the way and out of my system. I watched Student of the Year this week. So HERE is your review.

Triwizard Cup

On Kofee with Karan, stars were always talking about how they were bad at Math, and KJo would laugh as if that were relatable, but he is being too modest, and here is why: If formulae are your Math achilles heel, KJo has that bit down pat. Also, in case you are going to watch Student of the Year, this post is filled with spoilers. But then so are KKHH, K3G, Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, Main Hoon Na, life, etc. Just saying.

So anyway, here is my review, with sub-headings et al.

KKHH wala SOTY

KKHH was an awesome movie, I don’t see why you won’t make movies exactly like it. That’s probably what KJo thought when he made SOTY anyway. The story was set in St. Teresa’s, a ‘modern day’ St. Xaviers, with Rishi Kapoor (the Dean) being in love with the football coach of the school (who looked nothing like Archana Pooran Singh, okay?). There was a love triangle, the story was told from the perspective of the future, there were even cast members in the movie who were exactly the same (well not the same), but still. Farida Jalal was there too (this is a pro, I love Farida Jalal, she has a soft face and I’d love to be her grandchild). And they even used the words KKHH to make the ‘Coach Coach Hota hai’ joke.

To be fair, it was not all Kuch Kuch Hota hai. For instance, you did not care about the love story. It made no difference to you which boy got the girl. None of the romantic scenes were memorable or iconic, you did not tear up when anything remotely emotional happened among the three of them. Do you remember this song and how awful you felt for Kajol?

That was a great memory. Anyway. So the movie is not ALL Kuch Kuch or Coach Coach Hota hai. It is also other things.

Main Hoon Na wala Students

Sana Saeed, do you know what happened to Rakhi Sawant? She was you, in Main Hoon Na. And now she is Rakhi Sawant, in the real world. Also, it is comforting to know that there can only be those many types of people in the world (so we are prepared), but why are high school kids always divided into ‘Batas’ and ‘Tatas’? Why are ‘Batas’  poor anyway? Karan Johar could’ve spent a little more time coming up with better names for the two classes of students.

K3G wala Intros

Aliya Bhatt plays Shanaya (last name forgotten), insanely reminiscent of Kareena Kapoor’s role in K3G. They even have similar introduction scenes, with clothes and brands and shiny things. And then there is also an introduction song for Sidharth Malhotra with the almost the exact same lyrics as Hrithik Roshan’s song in K3G.

Desi Girl wala Radha

Aliya Bhatt

Radha (my favorite song of the album) is (I quote) the movie’s ‘traditional youth’ song, whatever that means. Radha, I don’t want to be that person, and Imma letchu finish, but  Desi Girl was the best ‘traditional youth’ song of all time.

Radha Student of the Year

Shankar Ehsan Loy wala Vishal-Shekhar

Are Vishal-Shekhar kidding? Why are they singing all their songs themselves? I mean, I LOVE the Radha song but I feel like I am just waiting through the entire song to get to the part where Udit Narayan sings a couple lines. Use stronger singers! Also, why does the Disco song (which is already a remix of an old song) sound like Mylo’s Drop the Pressure? Look, V-S. The songs are the only thing the audience actually remember and take away from this movie. Just don’t make us feel bad for liking something that you seemed to have winged.

Star wale Kids

I always thought Deepika Padukone was lucky to get a super launching debut, but Varun Dhawan and Aliya Bhatt are even luckier. And Sidharth Malhotra (who apparently is the breakout star in all this) is even luckier. I love good looking people, they make aimless staring purposeful. But these kids have had more fun at St. Teresa’s than we ever did in Appu Ghar, and I am jealous.

Triwizard Tournament wala SOTY

Karan Johar unabashedly decides to get Harry Potter fans excited by creating a competition eerily similar to the Triwizard tournament  (except Robert Pattinson does not die in this one) (or does he? OOOOOH). With underwater clues and Yule Ball proms (for which a date is mandatory, and the champions lead the dance), we finally understand why the headmaster had to be gay, which brings us to the next sub-heading.

Cheapshot wala Humor

This movie is supposed to be for the ‘Next Generation'(a generation that I am clearly not a part of), and the movie is filled with awful cheap shots. Like how there is a Parsi kid (played by Kayoze Irani, Boman Irani’s son) whose last name is ‘Soda Bottle Opener Vala'(Not funny, guys. Calm down with this ugly wit.). But you cannot underestimate the power of cheapshots. Am I writing and filling this post with pictures of a popular movie so I get more traffic? Maybe. We’ll never know.

Bottom wala Line

Nobody plays any basketball in this movie.
That was in Kuch Kuch Hota Hai, Karan.

While it seems like Karan Johar was bored of just producing ridiculously enjoyable superficial movies of the ‘new age’ and so took a little bit from each of them and made his own, he was actually just comforting the Bollywood audience. In its own way, the movie is like Khichdi. It is a mixture of several things, it is comforting because you’re familiar with it, and you can spruce it up with great sides, like handsome heroes (I love Varun Dhawan, imagine how much that kid got to hang out with Govinda), randomly cool looking posters, and catchy music. So if you like shiny things (like I do!), go watch SOTY. It is technically sound, the shots are near perfect, and it is a whole lot of suspension of disbelief. There is a really cute scene with a grandmother with memory loss that made me cry. You may even find out who won the contest. You may, just may, learn something about yourself (but probably not).

Inspiration wala Parody