Today’s post will cut straight to the chase. I admit I have not written in here in so long that you don’t remember what I usually do on here. Neither do I. Anyway, here goes.

Things to do approximately 20 days before your thesis is due: A Professional’s Amateur Guide

  • Obsess about the thesis and statistics and reorganize paragraphs of your background and introduction sections until you know 20 pages of nonsense off by heart and you can pretty much recite it in your sleep.
  • Obsess about ideas for the Tamil TV shows your brain keeps coming up with no matter how hard you are trying to concentrate on your data and R code.
  • Obsess about inventing an automatic DNA loading pipette for electrophoresis that also makes espresso.
  • Obsess about buying an espresso machine.
  • Pump your body with caffeine until you find yourself in bed at midnight, clutching a clipboard to your knees, rocking slightly, and mumbling ‘ANCOVA. ANCOVA. ANCOVA’.
  • Watch Monk re-runs constantly and weep about Trudy. Think about Monk while on buses.
  • Obsess over finding/marrying this guy:
  • Listen to Freebird(Lynard Skynard) a thousand times and obsess over better,classier times (in the future) that involve scotch, a cigar, and scenes at a pretentious bar.
  • Pipette to Nakka Mukka.
  • Make up words like ‘Malarious’ along with equally malariously delirious friends (Eric & Mara- if you’re reading this). Malaria is funny every time, guys.
  • Forget to pee. Pump up Sodium Intake by 200% and only either feel extremely exhilarated or depressed.
  • Make lists of options for Plan B for when you don’t get a job after graduation, all of which begin with ‘Convince people they can pay you to write.’
  • Write blog posts. Record life. Philosophize every chore you have until you are convinced everything has a purpose.
  • Tell people you are going to quit Science and become a people’s person. Later, realize this is not possible because you hate people. Drink more coffee.
  • Feel guilty about wasting time on this blog post.
  • End this blog post.

Title Source: ‘Freebird‘- Lynard Skynard