I have been postponing writing on this blog because I have been doing so many other types of writing that are really not as fun to plan or execute. For this delay in this post, I apologize.

Much has happened during our little interlude- the world population reached 7 billion, Kim K filed for divorce from her new husband Kris, there was a devastating earthquake in Turkey, Muammar Gadafi is now dead, Deepavali passed us by. Oh and also, Justin Beiber may/may not be a Dad.

Otherwise though, the world is pretty much still the same. Lots of violence and poverty, people still don’t really like people that are not really like themselves, global warming may/may not be a lie,  we have no real cures for Cancer, the internet is still a great place to complain on, and ‘coning’ is the new ‘planking’.

For a while now, I have been so caught up keeping up with the Occupy Wall Street movement, the 2012 Presidential candidate debates and the Kardashians that I have failed to share my experience with Ra.One.

Which brings us to what I originally wanted to call this post. :

Why I love SRK and believe in Bollywood but Kandasamy was so much better than Ra.One. 

Of course, there have been these awesomely funny, well written, well drawn out, reviews of Ra.One. But we all know my two cents is where it’s at.

On Diwali day(this year that was October the 26th), I went to work, and decided at around Noon that it was too festive a day to stare at my (truly terribly disappointing) data and crib about it while I waited for my PCR machine to spit out more disappointing data.

So I took two buses to the local mall that plays Bollywood movies (before Ra.One they were screening Force, starring Monish Behl who was in Hum Saath Sath  Hain), bought some popcorn, filled my water bottle and settled into this dirty movie hall in anticipation of the movie.

Let’s be real, I like almost every movie that is ever made. It is not just an increased tolerance for nonsense that fuels this liking, but also the fact that I think entertainment is important and needs to be supported.

Within the first 20-30 minutes of of Ra.One though, Anubhav Sinha left me thinking I should be working on my research. This was not because Shekhar (my own Dad’s name, so I am automatically sucked into liking the character) ate Noodles with yogurt (quite occasionally did this myself, when I was younger and could still tolerate Maggi) or that Kareena (what was her name in the movie? For the life of me I cannot remember) mispronounced Tamil words (I had multiple Punjabi roommates in college who frequently and lovingly butchered Tamil words) or that this technology seemed so awesome.

It was because at some point, the entire team of Ra.One seemed to have stopped taking themselves seriously. I mean, I love suspension of disbelief, I thrive on it. A little too much, even. If you had just kept on with it, Ra.One would’ve been such an awesome movie. I would not have had to tell people that what I did for Diwali was watch Ra.One and it was awful, I could’ve said, I  watched Ra.One, it was pretty decent, actually.

Take for instance, in Kandasamy. They had this scene and they totally owned it.

None of this ‘I know I am being so ridiculous that I will make fun of myself for it’ business. Which is why at some point, you fully believe that the ‘storyline’ is lost. Also, are Vishal-Shekhar the new Shankar Ehsaan Loy? It seems like that, somehow.

It makes me sad,  and it makes me angry. Because, SRK, I am one of those people who grew anxious during ‘Criminal‘ that your ugly annoying kid was alone with a potential killer (virtual?) robot. I am one of those people who thought the Dad-You dying was really sad. I was positively tear filled during Bhare Naina. May have even let a few silent sobs through. I take your movie seriously. You better do it too. Because I wanted to be mean to you about how your kid was so annoying, and BAM you went and died and then I couldn’t because your widow was crying and so was I.

And then you went and stole that Iron-Man goblet of fire in chest thing from the Terminator/Ra.One/guy who dressed like he was from the matrix and moved to India and met Rajnikanth and all these things would have made sense if and only if the screenplay had not been so ridiculous? Also, I am glad taxi-drivers in Mumbai love Rajnikanth so much. You taught me something and I am thankful.

The rest of the movie was not so bad. I like Chammak Chalo I totally can’t wait for them to play it in clubs when I go to India. I like Arjun Rampal, I mean he is like a 100 years old but then so is SRK so I could handle that too. But this movie is full of trickery like that. I was so determined to find things to like about it, I started appreciating how nice Kareena looked, checking her legs out in the songs, thinking her skin was pretty, and how if she did not grin ever/speak to me, I’d like for her to be a random Punjabi lady that lived in my neighborhood.

But there is more torture. When you have mentally checked out of it, you are so disappointed that you cannot poke fun. You just want to go back and deal with your terrible data and run another PCR. You don’t care about the sparklers you bought to celebrate Diwali alone in your tiny apartment. You want to tell Shah Rukh Khan that you have an Om Shanti Om themed lamp that you had custom made by a talented friend (want one? They’re awesome.)  at home.

And that you are sad and disappointed with him, even though you knew what this movie was going to be about and you looked forward to it.

Anyway. I couldn’t find a song to go with this post so I put up this 30 Rock Fanvid instead.

Also, from Kandasamy, enjoy:

Anyway, until next time, keep singing!

I know you’re leaving in the morning
when you wake up.
Leave me with some kind of proof it’s not a dream.
You are, the only exception.

-“Only Exception‘ by Paramore

P.S. : Happy Birthday Pran! You are my paramore ab to forever.