So I have a visa..As I have been caught up in the whirlwind that is my life, I have ignored this place and it may soon turn a year old, and that affects me. Or has it, already? I should check. Anyway. I figured that writing this blog was a good way to distract myself from actually concentrating on the anxiety attacks I’ve been having about several things, and so here we are. What’s changed since I effectively sat and wrote something concrete in here? Well yes, there’re the admits, the joy they brought with them, and the work, and the sudden real-ness of it all. There’s the whole impending change in my life and the flurry of activity that prevails before aforementioned change.
I went to a tarot card reader when I went to Delhi in Jan 2009. When I approached what she had to say with my usual skepticism glazed with hypocritical hope, she told me that I must open my life, and once I did, I would be much happier. I looked around and thought of the million different uses to the 500 rupees I had just thrown away on cards with colourful pictures on them, in that pretentiously incensed booth. But as I resume this post several, several days after I originally started to write it, I feel deeply grateful. For everything. I have been told several times by different people.
When I sit and whine about everything that troubles me, I get sudden pangs of guilt at not just sitting down and being deeply grateful. I guess that’s the thing about greed. once it is rewarded, you think you can get away with it again, just another time. But again, you’re scared when it will come crashing down and the dream will end.
I understand that I am being obscure and egregiously boring in this post. But I figured that enabling my thoughts to stream while they form profusely was a good way to handle the impending crazy. Especially when life just becomes about the same questions and quests recycled and disguised in newer words and languages.
Also, I know it’s really late to say this but Lady Gaga is awesome so shut your face.
Cuz she’s got to love nobody.
‘I want your everything as long as its free’ – Bad Romance, Lady Gaga.